Monthly Archives: October 2011

Love Cleanse Day 21. Compliments, Age and Confidence

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Honestly since putting into practice some of the things I’ve been talking about a lot has happened. I’ve met some awesome new people, and starting to develop awesome new friendships. Life is so much better when you just believe in yourself and stop focusing too much on what other people think. Admittedly I do have a long way to go and a lot to work on still, but so far it’s been a fun and interesting journey.

The last blog post I spoke in there about loving your fellow humans. This includes complimenting them. We tend to only focus on the negative parts of people. I do this sometimes. Rather find the positive in people and compliment them on it. It’s much harder to resist somebody who see’s the best you. The more positive you are about yourself the easier it is to find the positive in others. And there is so much to find. Whether it’s just that you enjoy their company, how you admire their loyalty, you envy their independent nature, or just that they have a beautiful smile. So compliment people often. It’ll make both you and them feel better. Also remember to receive compliments well. Say thank you. Rejecting compliments is not sexy!

Something that has come up in my personal life recently is the question of age. What if he is quite a bit older than you or maybe even a year or more younger than you. Sex appeal has no age limit neither does it have a set starting age. [Though if you think 7 year old’s are hot, there is a word for that, pedophilia. Seek help!]

The biggest part of sex appeal, I’m sure I’ve stressed this enough, is believing in yourself. When you self confident it just comes naturally. Love others for who they are. Find your purpose in life and strive towards it. Sex appeal is part of your personal development. Don’t try to hard to have sex appeal. You’ll end up looking like you trying too hard. If you learn to love yourself and other’s it will come naturally.

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Love Cleanse Day 15-20: Sex Appeal. Being happy, positive and using the right body language.

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I feel like I haven’t made a post in forever but it’s only really been 6 days. So I might have maybe broken the Love Cleanse a few times. But only with flirting. It’s hard not too flirt.

Well now that I have confessed and repented of my Love Cleanse sins it’s time to continue talking about how to ooze sex appeal.

Firstly, you want to be a person that people want to be around, and people want to be around positive people. So be happy, smile a lot and look like you having fun. If you not, just fake it. Or politely leave the situation. Don’t be a moaning Myrtle. People won’t invite you out again in a hurry. Laughter and smiling are huge components of sex appeal. Being happy rubs off on other people and when it comes down to it, that’s all anyone ever wants to be….is happy. So laugh often. Laughing is sexy so do it. Smile on the inside, even when don’t feel like it. Carrying an inner smile will affect the way you carry yourself. Learn to smile with your eyes. This is something my dad always used to say to me. When I was younger I kinda wondered what he was smoking, I mean smiling with your eyes? It’s something you can learn and practice. Smiling with your eyes is the best type of smile. See the less serious side of life every once in awhile. Be funny. Act the fool occasionally. Just have fun.

Another huge aspect of sex appeal is your body language. Remember to stand tall, hold your head up high,and make your presence known. If you interacting with someone, maintain eye contact. Looking away or casting your eyes downwards blocks people out, whereas making eye contact invites people in. The longer the eye contact the more you telling the person you are interested in them. I personally find eye contact something that’s a bit uncomfortable. So I’ve made a pact with myself to look into the eyes of 3 unknown people a day.  The way you move your body is also important. Things you want to keep doing, that draw people closer to you: hugs, open unfolded arms, and open hands. You can also use touch. Brush your hand against their arm, hold their arm briefly, hug them, place your hand on their shoulder etc.

Something else to remember that will aid sex appeal is to be loving. Love your fellow humans. Be compassionate. Be curious about people. Ask people about themselves, it shows you want to get to know them and are actually interested in them as a person. Being curious is one of the top ways of connecting with people. If a person feels flattered they likely to like you more. So make others feel liked and they will like you back. Because lets be honest, who doesn’t want to be liked?

Love Cleanse Day 10-14. Sex Appeal: Be Smart, Independent and Confident

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Smart equals sexy. Boys don’t like dumb girls. Maybe they like screwing dumb girls but that is all. So forget the Jessica Simpson/ Paris Hilton act. It’s just superficial hotness. I’ve written about making sure you look your best but you also want to think your best. Think for yourself. Be a strong, independent woman. That’s sexy!

Being strong and independent doesn’t mean not letting anyone do anything for you. Males are psychologically and biologically made to want to protect females, and females want to be protected. So let men open the car door and pull out your chair. They want to do it. The concept of “strong, independent females” has been taking to the extreme in recent years. I promise you, no guy wants to date a die-hard feminist. Personally I find die-hard feminists completely annoying and socially retarded, but that’s a post for another day.

Independent means standing on your own two feet, especially emotionally but also financially. It’s being resourceful and resilient. It’s being busy. You don’t want to rely on your partner to keep you entertained 24/7. Showing your time is in demand is hot. It shows you work hard, care for yourself and don’t need a babysitter in the form of a boyfriend.

I know I’ve spoken about this a lot already, but it’s also to keep reminding myself….a huge part of sex appeal is believing in yourself and having self confidence. When you believe in yourself it shows. No one wants to have to constantly be worried that they going to hurt your feelings or feel that they have to reassure you every 5 minutes. So keep telling yourself you beautiful inside and out, that people like you and want to be around you, and soon they will. Fake it till you make it baby 😉

The T’s take over Club 31

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Together my friends Tracey, Tayla and I are referred to as The T sisters. It’s kind of self explanatory. A bit lame, but yeah. Last Saturday we hit Club 31 for a night out.

It was my first time there as  you would have been able to tell from my comment on the way there, “Do we have to climb 31 flights of stairs?! These heels are really high.” I didn’t really think that one through I guess haha 😛 Due to connections we skipped all lines and entrance fee’s and made our way up 31 floors…in a lift! It felt so smart. The bouncer guy was super cool also. I love making friends with bouncers.

Club 31 was beautiful, and the view…omg, amazing! I love how the lady in the bathroom gives you a hand towel when you’ve washed your hands. It felt like a club you see on one of the E! reality shows.

All in all was an awesome night and will definitely be back.

Love Cleanse Day 9: Sex Appeal Part 2: Dressing and loving your body

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In the my last post I talked about how looks aren’t everything and how their isn’t one type of look that everyone finds attractive. Thank goodness, because the world is so full of different shapes and sizes. You have big boned, small waisted, tall, and short. Some of us have blonde hair and some of us dark. To me Victoria Beckham is just as sexy as Beyonce. They have entirely different body shapes, but both carry themselves in a way that oozes sex appeal. It’s all about the way we dress and groom. Dressing for your body shape may sound daunting, with all the clothing options there are out there but really it’s not that hard. Read fashion magazines, shop with an honest friend, through trial and error you’ll find what works for you and what doesn’t. Dressing stylishly is way more important than what the shape of your body is. Coco Chanel once said, ” If a woman is not well dressed, one notices her for her outfit, but if she’s impeccably dressed, it’s she that one notices.” This applies equally to men. It’s not all about clothes either. Keep your hair well groomed and flattering. Ladies, don’t shovel on the makeup. Dress for the occassion. At work dress professionally. When you out of work, you can have more fun with your outfit. Dressing to ooze sex appeal does not mean wearing your most revealing items of clothing. Leaving stuff to the imagination is so much more sexier.

It’s normal to obsess over your body, we all do it. Even the ones who come across as confident. Especially women. Obsessing about what you don’t like though makes you forget your what you love about yourself. Instead you want to focus on this and flaunt your assets.  I could tell you what I hate about myself, things that when I see in the mirror or photos I cringe but instead I’ll tell you what I love and you should make a list of what you love also. I love my bum. Compared to petite frame, I have derriere  Kim K and J Lo would definitely give a thumbs up too. I love that I’m petite, I’m able to wear clothes a lot of other girls can’t. I love my hair [even though I do have bad hair days where I want to chop it all off] . I love my sense of humour and I love that I’m strong-willed and driven. That’s my little list. Trust me they things about myself I’d change in a heartbeat, but why focus on that. Easier said than done. I’m not perfect either, there are days when these things get me down. You will only ever radiate and ooze sex appeal if you confident. That’s the bottom line. I personally loooove confident guys, even borderline cocky, it’s just so sexy. Shy guys are just meh. Then again there are girls who love shy guys. There’s something for everyone, that’s the beauty of it. 🙂

Love Cleanse Day 8-9: Sex Appeal Part 1 – Being Confident

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Sex appeal is not limited to drop dead gorgeous people. I’ve met guys who haven’t exactly been the definition of a Greek God but there was something about, something that made me attracted to them. They just had this something…..sex appeal.

Sex appeal isn’t something you either born with or aren’t. It’s something you can acquire no matter how old you are or how good looking you are. [ Gingers this doesn’t apply to you. I joke ] Sex appeal is confidence. It’s the way you dress and present yourself. It’s the way you talk and the way you move. It’s about loving yourself and believing that you are appealing to the opposite sex.

To understand the concept of sex appeal, first we want to understand what makes people truly attractive. As soon as we start talking attractiveness we immediately think of looks but looks aren’t everything. I won’t lie, looks do matter to an extent, but it’s more so the way you present yourself. We’ve all heard the very saying “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and as cliche as it is, it’s still very true. Different people find different things attractive, you just need to talk to a group of your friends about what each of you find attractive to see how much opinions on attractiveness differ. I’m sure we’ve all met someone who we thought was good looking but on getting to know them have discovered they had no personality whatsoever. Any attraction you had towards that person quickly disappears.  It’s like picking up a bottle of beautifully packaged perfume then smelling it and realising it smells gross. You not going to buy that bottle of perfume. Sex appeal is the same. It’s not just about what the person looks like. It’s the entire package. It’s being comfortable in your own skin and confident within yourself. It’s showing your best side to the world. The trick to sex appeal is being confident enough and insecurity-free enough to make others around you feel good about themselves. It’s that “X-factor that makes people want to be around you.

I used to have very little self confidence. Actually honestly,I had none. Slowly I’ve been building it up and I can already see the changes in my life. I’ve still got a long way to go and it’s a daily struggle but it’s been so worth it so far. There’s a lot more aspects to sex appeal than just confidence. Like I said sex appeal is a package. In my next post I’ll talk about dressing to ooze sex appeal and about loving your body. Till next time. xoxo

Disclaimer: I’m not a psychologist or therapist or anything of the sort. This is all stuff I’ve learnt from growing up, personal experience and lessons I’ve learnt from others.

Love Cleanse Day 5-7. Are my standards too high?

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This weekend a close friend of mine and I got talking about the type of guys we fall for. I discovered that my problem is that I have really high standards. I know right now if I was really desperate and wanted to be in a relationship, there’s more than one guy who has shown interest, but I’m just not into them. I know perfect doesn’t exist but I have a pretty good idea of what I want.

Obviously though I’m still single and I have been for awhile now, so I have to think, are the high standards I’ve set attainable. I don’t really expect much from guys I meet anymore. I always expect the worst, because I’ve always ended up used, cheated on, lied too etc. I know I’ve subconsciously sabotaged potential relationships this way,yet I still have this tiny little dot of hope in my heart that the picture I’ve created in my mind of the type of man I want exists.

One of my favourite quotes that I’ve always tried to live by is “Let us be about setting high standards for life, love, creativity, and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day and every decade worth looking forward to.” I’m keep myself sane knowing I can look forward to this high standard of man I’ve created for myself.

I’ve also set these high standards to protect myself. To protect myself for falling for a guy. Because damn I really don’t want to fall for a guy and get hurt ever again.

Whether having such high standards is a good thing or not I haven’t quite figured out yet, but for now I’m keeping them. Why should I have to settle for less. I deserve to be happy don’t I?