Monthly Archives: September 2011

Love Cleanse Day 2-4. My Fear of Rejection

Standard

When meeting new people I always come across as a lot more quiet than I really am. I hate speaking in front of large audiences, sometimes I don’t know what to say when somebody is going through a bad situation so I came across as callous and cold-hearted, and I hate talking about my feelings and my personal stuff. It all comes down to a fear of rejection. It because, unfortunately, I do care what people think of me. In my last post I said how it was a bad thing. I honestly don’t care what the people I don’t like think of me, but when I like or respect someone then I do care. Is this wrong? Must I totally not care what people think?

But then I thought about how caring about what people think has affected me negatively. Sometimes I tie my self-image too closely to what other people think. I guess everybody wants to be popular and more than that we all have a fear of ended up alone someday. That feeling of rejection in the pit of your stomach is not a fun feeling.

I’m bad at using excuses, ranging from “I’m too shy to I’m not pretty enough or I’m not smart enough” but if I stop caring about what other people think and just be me then I know when people actually do like me then they like me for the real me.  If I remember that I can stop worrying about “rejection” because honestly why would I want anyone in my life who doesn’t like or  love me for me.

The point of doing this 30 day Cleanse is for me to figure all the negative stuff holding me back and change them. I’m going to stop caring about what other people think. Well I’m going to try at least. I’m going to work towards my goals without caring what other people think about them. I’m not going to be scared to show the next guy I like a lot that I may actually like him [that’s a big one for me] and I’m not going to depend on other people, because everyone will let you down eventually.

Love Cleanse Day 1. Addicted to Love?

Standard

“I don’t care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay
I get so high when you’re with me
But crash and crave you when you are away.”

Those lyrics are from Kesha’s song ‘Love Drug’. It compares love with an addiction to drugs.

? The definiton straight out of the dictionary an addiction  is: ‘”fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity”. Love addiction is a human behavior in which people become addicted to the feeling of love.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be loved but like anything it can’t become something you compulsively strive for because eventually people are going to disappoint you and leave you hurt. I don’t want to have to rely on another person to be happy. If I’m being honest I do rely on people too much. Whether it’s a guy liking me or just peoples opinion of me in general. I do care too much.

So my first goal is too stop caring too much. Stop relying on other people for validation. Build up confidence and start loving myself for me. A good friend told me not so long ago when she stopped caring whether everyone liked her or not is when everyone started liking her. So from now on I’m going to be me, love me or hate me, it’s going to be pure 100% Tegan, nothing less and nothing more.

30 Day Love Cleanse

Standard

From tomorrow, 27th September I’m going to embark on Mastin Kipp’s 30 Day Love Cleanse. The first thought I had when reading about this love cleanse was “WTF, no flirting for 30 days, are you mad?” But reading other peoples experiences, it started to make sense.

The rules for this “Love cleanse”. For the next 30 days there shall be:

1. No dating

2. No flirting

3. No kissing

4. No obsessing, ruminating, cyber stalking, and no mentally or physically engaging with anyone with whom you have a history of drama or are seeking to break free from.

5. Increasing physical activity.

6. Living healthy

7. Journal your experience, every morning and every night. It will give you an excellent point of reference at the end of your cleanse to go back and see how you grew and progressed and even healed throughout the process.

There’s a reason I need to do this. It’s not for anyone else. It’s for me. This morning I woke up at 4:00 am. While struggling to go back to sleep I couldn’t stop thinking about a guy that was a huge part of my life. Without going into details for 3 years we were on and off. We started off as friends, became best friends, it got too complicated and now…nothing. I need to stop thinking about him and everything involving him. I need to move on.

I’m not really sure how this “Love cleanse” will help, but even if it doesn’t, I feel it’s a journey I need to take. Right now I’m in a bit of a love rut. I really don’t want a relationship but then again I do. It’s weird. Can’t really explain. I don’t want to have to rely on a guy for validation, but I’ll be lying if I said a part of me doesn’t.

So wish me luck for the next 30 days and hold thumbs I don’t meet any hot guys during this time. 😉

My Favourite Fragrances

Standard

A brief chat on Twitter with @KerriBee16 last night inspired me to write a blog post on my fav fragrances. I love perfumes and fragrances. You could call it a mild obsession. At the moment I only have a few.

I remember my gran having so many beautiful bottles of perfumes on her dressing table when I was younger. I used to love spraying myself with all the different scents. I think that’s where my obsession started. To this day, Angel by Thierry Mugler will always remind me of my grandmother. Just like my gran it oozes femininity and glamour. It’s always been a best seller and has also received the prestigious Fifi award. I’ve never owned Angel myself, but as I said my Gran did and so did my mom. My sister and I often used to wear some while growing up. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it.

The fragrance I wear daily is Tommy Girl by Tommy Hilfiger. I’ve been wearing it everyday since I was about 17. It was the first fragrance I bought for myself. It’s a refreshing, flowery fragrance. It’s a feminine scent which possesses a blend of a refreshing and energetic floral, with low notes of sandalwood and heather. It’s a great day-time perfume. It’s a scent you can keep in your handbag and use whenever.

Another one I love is Paris Hilton by Paris Hilton. It’s not something I probably would have been drawn to trying but I received it as a gift, and it fast became a favourite. It’s definitely the fragrance I’ve received the most compliments on when wearing. It has top notes of passion fruit, orange, peach granita, and champagne mimosa. With middle notes consisting of star jasmine, tiare flower, ylang-ylang, honeysuckle, dewberry blossom, and grenadine. Then base notes of violet leaf, vetiver, tonka, and blonde woods. It has an amazing smell, and I’d definitely buy it myself.

This is my newest perfume, Lady Million by Paco Rabanne. I got it for my birthday…and I love it! It’s more “grown up” than Tommy Girl and Paris Hilton. Much more sexy and sultry.  Top notes of bitter orange, raspberry, neroli and orange blossom are followed by a heart of bewitching arabian jasmine and gardenia. The base notes of patchouli, honey and amber complete this tantalizing composition. It’s quite expensive but it makes you smell like a million dollars.

So those are 4 of my favourites. There’s tons of others that I adore. I asked all the girls on Twitter what their fav’s were and got some noteworthy answers.  A lot of ladies love the DKNY range. I’ve never actually tried them personally but I would like too. Cool Water by Davidoff was another firm favourite, again never tried it. The Paco Rabanne range was very popular as well. Huge Paco Rabanne fan myself. Judging by all the diverse choices I’ve got a lot of trying out to do next time I’m at Red Square. 😉

 

 

 

Sometimes you just need to let go.

Standard

Everyone always says if you want something bad don’t give up. But is there a time to let go. To move on. To be wise enough to know it just isn’t meant to be.

Sometimes we need to let go. Not just for our sake but for the other persons as well. Letting go isn’t for the faint hearted. It’s the hardest thing to do sometimes. I’m not even sure how you really do it. But sometimes it needs to be done. It free’s us to find that person who will love us back just as we love them.